It’s been quite a week.
In the aftermath of the Atlanta shootings that killed 8 people, 6 of whom were Asian American women, I know many of us within the Asian American community are reeling. This latest act of terrorism—on top of the rise in anti-Asian assaults and attacks—is leaving us feeling angry, fearful, vulnerable, numb.
It’s layered. It’s complex. It’s overwhelming.
I don’t have any platitudes. I don’t have any easy solutions. I’m resisting the tyranny of what I “should” be doing and just allowing myself to be right now as I navigate all my emotions and instincts.
That means I have both:
- avoided the endless news reports… AND doom-scrolled.
- binged on donuts/TV… AND gone on walks to enjoy the outdoors.
- found safe spaces to talk about my fears… AND bought pepper spray.
I hope that we will be gentle with ourselves and each other without any pressure to “get it right.” Let us hold space for one another in this moment as we work through our grief, fear, rage, and whatever else comes up.
How do we equip our children to respond to anti-Asian racism and violence?
Many of us grew up with immigrant parents who didn’t have the vocabulary or understanding to have conversations about racism. Cultural values regarding the submission to authority, the acceptance of suffering, and the burden of shame may have kept them in silence, but we can’t just blame it on “Asianness.” We also have to recognize the obstacles that made it challenging for that first generation to speak up against hate and racism—
Language barriers and an inability to communicate with law enforcement. A lack of understanding of how the system works. Suspicion and distrust in authority because of their past experiences with oppressive governments. A strong identification with their home culture and tacit acceptance of being labeled “foreigner.”
I may have more knowledge and resources than my parents did as they were raising us, but as my friend Jean Hong pointed out, most of us have never had these conversation before and are figuring things out as we go. How do we begin to discuss race and racism with our children?
Here are a few thoughts.
Take time to process your own racial trauma
My friend, Stephanie Chan, noticed how much easier it was to speak up about other racial injustices, but when it came to addressing anti-Asian racism, it was harder. It felt more personal, vulnerable, raw.
It’s hard to come to terms with the reality that we are dehumanized and hated simply for being who we are.
In order to be able to talk with our children about the racism that they may face, we need to deal honestly with our own pain and traumas. Naming our experiences and how they affected us with others who understand and validate us can be incredibly healing. We can find safe people or communities with whom we can vent, weep, and express our fears.
Educate yourself
Anti-Asian racism is nothing new, and yet we may not be aware of the history of racist xenophobia against Asians, the causes of the fetishization of Asian women, the legacy of Asian American resistance in solidarity with Black civil rights activists, or all the organizations that are out there to support us.
It’s important for us to become more informed about the roots of systemic racism and the resources available to us so that we can better respond, organize, and equip our children.
Tap into existing resources
We don’t have to reinvent the wheel. We don’t have to be the one disseminating all there is to know about racism. There are so many resources out there nowadays that are kid-friendly, entertaining, and educational.
I recently discovered the lovely Miss Katie Sings on Instagram. Check out this video where she talks about anti-Asian racism and offers children an empowering song, “Stand Up.”
Picture books, graphic novels, and other literature are great ways to address these issues without being heavy-handed. Follow Pragmatic Mom and @asianlitforkids on IG for book recommendations.
Embrace Race also offers a lot of resources for how to support and teach our kids in learning about race.
Scaffold conversations
Teaching our kids about racism is not a one-and-done deal. It’s an ongoing dialogue that is made up of observations, side comments, picture books, news articles, and heart-to-hearts. Depending on the age of our children and their personalities, we need wisdom in knowing what to share and how much to share. As they get older and are exposed to more of the world, we build on the foundation that’s already been laid. We can approach this not as “the talk” that we give and then check off our list, but as a constant discussion where we are always learning together.
Here is an age-by-age guide to fighting hate and a helpful article about “How to Talk to Kids About Anti-Asian Racism.”
Instill pride and joy
A proactive way we can resist hate and racism is to be intentional about celebrating ethnic pride and pursuing joy. We can find ways to proudly practice our traditions, seek lightness and pleasure, laugh and play, even in the midst of grief and pain.
One mom shared how—after telling her daughter about the shootings—her daughter invited her laugh, play, and read Eyes that Kiss in the Corners, by Joanna Ho.
In this article in the New York Times, Heidi Shin, writes about how she’s helping to counter racism by building her daughter’s racial identity as a Korean American.
Anti-racism work is multi-faceted and should include a joyful resilience that empowers our children to resist dehumanization.
Educating our children about anti-Asian racism may feel daunting and intimidating, but it’s not a task that we can avoid. We cannot protect them through our silence or our attempts to keep them in a safe bubble, however tempting that might be. If we leave it to the world/media/society to teach them about race, they will internalize beliefs that they are less than, perpetually foreign, unwelcome. They will be conditioned into white supremacy, anti-Blackness, and shame.
If we are to empower our children to understand and respond to racism, we need to understand our collective history, continue to heal from our racial trauma, and take fumbling baby steps forward in educating ourselves and our children.
I hope these resources I’ve shared will help us to do so.
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