As an Asian American woman, I sometimes feel invisible.
I’ve been conditioned to stay small, blend in, not make waves. In public or large group settings, I rarely speak up. I have been taught to not take up space… or maybe I believe I am not worthy of taking up space.
In the past, I’ve accepted this as part of my nature — I’m shy, introverted, don’t like attention, hate public speaking. Perhaps I even saw it as embodying virtues of humility, modesty, and honoring others.
But I’ve been challenged more recently to question these limiting beliefs about myself.
Last summer, I was journaling outside in a park, sitting under the shade of the trees to try to stay cool and comfortable in the heat. As the sun progressed across the sky, the shade kept changing and shifting. I’d move a few inches and the sun would find me. I’d move again and there again was the sun, like a blinding spotlight. I was annoyed. I wanted to stay cool and comfortable. Hidden in the shade. Invisible.
It was then that I sensed the Universe was trying to tell me something.
Here’s an excerpt from my journal that day:
Maybe You're trying to shine a light on me. You're trying to spotlight me and have me experience Your warmth and attention. But I feel exposed. Self-conscious. I don't want to be in the light. I feel like an imposter. I don't like all eyes on me. Perhaps You are inviting me to be a little uncomfortable. To be a little exposed and vulnerable. To allow people to actually see me.
I was being invited to allow myself to be seen and known.
When it came time to choose my word for 2023, I knew it had to be SPOTLIGHT.
I designed an image to use as my phone screensaver — an image of an Asian woman hiding in the bushes and wanting to blend in with the flora and fauna around her. A gentle light is spotlighting her from above.
I love it.
In those moments when I’m tempted to hide and shrink myself, it’s a constant, gentle reminder for me to step into the light.
Each one of us deserves to be seen, heard, acknowledged, and celebrated.
Come.
Join me in the spotlight.